A pleasant discovery I made about the world is that it is a part of me. And I am of it. And what I believe internally, what I value, how I think, how I feel, has a direct relationship with what manifests externally in my life. I control it. I control it all because I can choose what I believe. And I believe I AM the light that will shine through this form and guide me out of the Cave of Illusions.
The world is changing before my eyes and it's interesting to realize that my world inside-attitude, philosophy, beliefs and views how this world works- is causing it.
Small adjustments in thinking create meaningful results in spirituality.
Ask better questions. 'Where can I find a job?' OR 'Where can I find ways to contribute and bring value?'
Practice positive self talk. 'I'm breaking down' OR 'I'm breaking through'
Adopt empowering new beliefs.'There are no good jobs in this town.' OR 'There are ways of bringing value to my community and I will find them'.
Simple actions compound over time.
When I see a penny on the ground I pick it up and say, "Thank you for this constant symbol of abundance in my life" and I put it in my pocket.
When my Dad asks me if I want to help decorate for Christmas I smile and start putting up the lights!
Shifts internally manifest themselves externally.
The spiritual physics of it couldn't be otherwise. What I believe and value and think about directly influences what is in my life today. I take complete responsibility for it and know that I have the power to change my circumstances. But it wasn't always like this.
My Story
It was 2013 and I had been a car salesman for 3 years at a slow dealership and I felt as if I was dying inside. A shifting economy hit the housing market hard in '08 and neither my bachelors degree or past experience helped me secure employment in the industry. Like so many people during that time, my career was detoured through a banquet of meaningless jobs.
Now at Hyundai of Keene, I found myself coming to the sad realization that my life was not what I wanted it to be. I had come FULL circle AGAIN and was miserable at work being broke and never having time to invest with family and friends. One day they changed my hours for the last time, I just couldn't take it anymore, them ruling my life and my time. The pain of remaining the same became greater than the pain of change and I resolved to stave to death before I commit suicide at this friggin desk. I quit my job and left with a box under my arm and a smile on my face.
Less than a week later my brother got me a job cleaning pools for the summer. It was good work and I got to be alone most of the time out in the service van cleaning millionaire's lagoon in-ground swimming pool. Being outside in the sun for a summer felt good and was nice to experience something new. At 30 years old, I am a pool boy making $12 and it's the best job I ever had.
The summer season ended and again I struggled to find another meaningless job. I found one recruiting medical professionals. I had learned from a former job at PC Connection that cold calling 100 people a day in a cramped office wasn't my bit. Again my heart wasn't in the work and I couldn't find the motivation to succeed. 2 months later they let me go. A pattern in my life was becoming evident. I realized my future wasn't going to look pretty if I stayed this course but it got worse before it got better.
Inside my apartment on Grove Street it was 40 degrees. We ran out of oil and couldn't afford to buy more until next week. My roommate, Muff, convinced we could tough it out. It was December 2014 and I walked up the stairs and unlocked the side porch door, which lead directly into my bedroom, and shuffled into the kitchen and slumped down on shifty wooden chair.
My stomach grumbled but we didn't have any food to munch on. I couldn't tell my roommate and his girlfriend were getting an apartment together leaving this place and I couldn't afford to keep it on my own and I had no job so something needed to happen quick. My girlfriend at the time had a serious knee injury and tore her ACL on the mountain skiing-the following weeks and months I basically took care of her and was there ALL THE TIME and pretty much lived with her. At the beginning it was good. But alas it was not to last.
I realize now this is the wrong reason to move in with anyone-especially when she might NOT be the one. So here I am collecting unemployment looking for another job and taking care of her and my life just seems like in such a chaotic mess. I mean, I was really unsure of my future-every part of it. I was unsure about where I would work, my relationship, where I was going to live. Everything about the future basically worried me so I lived in the past, remembering how good it used to be and thinking it will be that way again some day.
It was getting worse. Months of job searching go by with no results, the relationship reaches the point where one day I come home and all my stuff is packed into the back of her car and last wishes including phrases like "Have a nice life". I had nowhere to go with no job and no girlfriend I failed again and moved back home with my parents.
No job, no girlfriend, broke, living at home in parent's attic.... it could always be worse but this was shaping up to be pretty sad.
I had failed once again doing something that I hated. But this was to be the last time. And for the first time I decided to take a chance at doing something that I love. For 20 years, the guitar has been my passion and most recently in the past 8 years , so has Toastmasters. The two make a part of who I am. I love this part. And because the source is love, the spiritual balance thing takes over.
For some reason, I had convinced myself that because my songs aren't perfect they shouldn't be shared with the world. What?! What a crazy friggin belief that I had there. I took a match to that belief and started doing the thing that I new I should be doing-sharing my stuff with the world. I went out there and played and met people and learned and discovered a whole new world. All because I choose to act on what I love.
When I started playing at open mics people started coming up to me after shows and paying me compliments. Then I did an open mic and someone who saw me liked me and paid me to do a private event. The more stuff I went out and did the more people and opportunities that presented themselves.
After gigging a few months I figured I could make more money in a couple gigs playing the guitar than I could working 40 at a sales job. The gigs are coming slowly but I am understanding how to better leverage my value so I make MORE money in LESS time. Plus it's not really work because I love to play the guitar. What a concept huh?
I was delighted to learn that this was only the beginning..